Dad Jokes

Yes, my father just loved a good joke and here’s some that got us rolling. Note, if you could, please imagine him laughing so hard he is crying. That’s him upon reading the below for the first time:

  • The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
  • Have you heard about the Italian Chef? He pasta way.
  • My wife told me I was being immature. I told her to get out of my fort!
  • I know some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
  • What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandles? Phillipe Phillope
  • Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
  • And the lord said onto John, “Come forth and you shall receive eternal life”. John came fifth and won a toaster.
  • Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of their boat? Because if they fell forward, they would still be inside the boat.
  • Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant.
  • I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  • Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
  • My friend asked me, what rhymes with orange? I said, no – it doesn’t.
  • What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.
  • When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.